I desire the things that will destroy me in the end.
California, I miss you again.
This is the motto I’ve taken to recently in terms of life, love, and career. At times it’s hectic, crazy, and I wonder if I’ve made some sort of terrible mistake by overloading myself with far too many things. And then realization hits and I know that by saying ‘yes’ to everything I’m never going to have that moment of regret looking back and wondering if I missed out on something great.
You do figure it out in the end. You also figure out who you are along the way and that is an incredible feeling in itself. These past few months I’ve done some things I never even imagined. I’ve made some incredible friends along the way, found new resolve in following my dreams, lived life like a 20-something should because youth should never be taken for granted, partied and danced all night with some of Hollywood’s best, travelled, created art, and been a part of something bigger than myself.
We need to learn to throw away that cautious part of ourselves that thinks about life in a limited vocabulary of failure, fear, insecurity, and consistent. We need to start adopting and cherishing words like risk, reward, bravery, and guts. Say yes to every opportunity that comes your way and trust yourself.
Constantly. The problem is that sometimes when you do get it, you don’t want it anymore.
You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to be headed somewhere great.
This hits home.
I always find it difficult when people who haven’t seen any of my work always say “you’ll make it” because honestly, how do you know? I spend majority of my time doing film related things whether that’s working on big tv shows or making my own shorts and I know that I still love this more than anything else in the world. However, it’s actually terrifying every single day to consider the fact that just because you want something, even if you want it badly, doesn’t mean that you’re guaranteed to get it. I’m scared a lot of the time that I’m chasing some pipe dream that will never come to fruition. I’m scared that I’m not talented enough to make this career successful. I’m scared that I’m just some naive 22 year old girl that knows nothing in comparison to people who have been doing this for years. I question myself every single day.
But despite how terrifying facing the unknown is, I know 100% that I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. And somehow, I never considered the fact that other people might be scared as well. Maybe being scared proves that you are passionate about something and that it is a risk but one that you’re willing to take. Being scared proves that you’re invested. It proves that you are on the right path.
..like when your favorite artist sends you a message back. Feeling inspired to keep pushing for my dreams.